Doing something for the ship
by OPYKJ
Summary: Suder never killed any crew member on Voyager. He sought help for his violent tendencies and now he wants to repay Voyager for their trust in him, the only way he knows. Dark.


**Doing something for the ship**

 _The bridge is crimson with the blood of her crew and the Captain sits there doing nothing. I have pummelled her mind so much already that she should have fired again by now. I have dragged the names out of her memories, half of them I've never met. Not that I care that greatly for her precious little Starfleet contingent, but she does. One by one, I've forced her to recall their dying when the Kazon pulverised their bodies._

 _All I feel is the guilt pouring out of her. She's got enough to fill up two cargo bays and she still finds room for more. I don't get it. Guilt is pretty well useless here. It only destructs you from the inside, one death at a time. That's not what she needs._

 _With her injuries, she's only a few minutes away from dropping her phaser. So I turn my mind onto the Commander's. I hope he has not changed too much since scuttling the Val Jean. I remember a restless man, hard, angry. He did not trust me then but soon he will understand the value of what I offer._

 _It's a small miracle that I was sent to repair a bridge console when the attack started. I've got all I require in front of me: the command team, a handful of subdued Kazon left behind after another failed attempt to board of Voyager, and help is at least ten minutes away. I don't need that long._

 _While covering the subdued prisoners with his phaser, Chakotay is checking on the rest of us. He asks me how I am going when he sees my legs. I tell him I am OK , that I can wait for help. He squeezes my shoulder, turns away._

 _I can easily see his anger. Anger is so easy to push into hate. And from hate should come his conversion. I have to guide him down that path. If I can get to him, he'll teach Janeway and the whole crew will have a better chance to live through the long journey ahead. I just want to do something for this ship._

 _I owe them. I have learnt so much from Tuvok. The mind meld and holodeck sessions have shown me how self-centred I was before to kill so indiscriminately. I have come to realise that my violent tendencies were never the problem, but my failure to find a socially acceptable justification. Tuvok is yet to be convinced by my argument though. He seems to think that violence is the issue. I say it is the means to an end. If the end is just …._

 _No matter. I am well ahead of him now that the meditation sessions have uncovered latent Betazoid abilities I thought I never had. I can feel others when they are close by and I can project emotions too. Thoughts are harder, but I am working on that. Nobody knows as yet. I wanted to surprise them but this opportunity is too good to pass. It will be today or never._

 _I feel Chakotay's fingers tightening around his phaser, while he takes in the dead crew members and the injured. His rage is mounting as he squats near Janeway and talks to her, keeping her awake._

 _I want to help them both, repay their trust in me. This ship is only a tiny speck among god knows how many vicious races who have never heard of Starfleet principles. I can show them what they need to do, who they need to be to survive._

 _I start to push him past his trivial anger. It's an ineffective emotion. Most people get stuck there and don't realise there is further to go. I know better._

 _I want them to experience how good it feels to thrust a soul into death, to savour the fear in the still aware brain, to watch the emptiness that follows. They've just killed in the heat of the battle. And then, they stopped when they regained control of the bridge. They glimpsed the temptation, the addiction, and they recoiled._

 _How are they going to survive the next 70,000 light-years, these two pathetic COs and their crew? Guilt and anger are hardly going to help them last the distance. We can't afford compassion, rules of combat, principles. We'll never make it if we don't adapt to the savagery of this quadrant. Violence is justified here. At all times. Against all our enemies. You have to embrace the violence that comes from killing, not subjugate it. Tuvok is wrong. They are all wrong, beginning with these two. I'll teach them and they can learn together._

 _I force my way into Chakotay's mind, bringing Janeway's too for the ride._

 _Listen to me._

 _Forget your principles. They will slow you down, make you weak. You'll never survive the journey home._

 _Welcome your violent thoughts. Kill and enjoy it._

 _Kill the Kazon in front of you, Chakotay. Now. Kill them all._

 _Captain, watch and learn. This is your first session. We will do this again._

 _There will be no more guilt._

 _Kill._

 _Kill._

 _Kill._

The sharp weapon fire resonates across the bridge. Through the approaching darkness, he feels two icy blue eyes boring into him. "Go to hell," he hears.

He wonders what hell feels like.


End file.
